You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
