Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
