This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
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