So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
