It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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