Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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