Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
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Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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