no, he came in my armpit
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
