I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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