I wanna bring you to show and tell
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
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