How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
