So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
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