Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Found the puke drawer
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
