Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
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I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
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It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
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