I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize