Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
