Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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