If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
