I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
