i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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