I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
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