Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
it hurts more in the daytime
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?