where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
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