you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
that's not how you spell hell yes.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I intend to get homeless drunk
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i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
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I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?