happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
