Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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