I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Randomize
