You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
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