You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
