the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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