whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
