The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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