Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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