Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Randomize
