My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
