He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
