everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
is wine microwaveable?
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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