I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Boobs are out for the taking
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
