He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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