I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I just want to make out with him forever
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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