He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
