so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
