All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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