As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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