I can text with my tongue
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
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