y did u give ur computer a hand job?
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
