i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
this is an emotional support booty call
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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