Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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