I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
