Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
Acid is not a monday night drug
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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