Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Randomize
