I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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