I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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