He is such a slut. More and more my type.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Someone came in the potted fern
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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