the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize
