Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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