When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
