You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
