evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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