My Higher Power is John Stamos
the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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