Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
