defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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