I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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