I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
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