Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
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